Being worn out mentally turned me spiritually
People think spirituality is all "love and light" but fail to realize you must go through a lot of work by yourself. There's a phase you MUST face, a phase that many try to avoid called "Shadow Work". You may have been through or done somethings you don't ever want to talk about or ever want to remember. But the shadow work is what brings them to light. This work not only brings light but helps manifest your true soul purpose. How can you know or even show your TRUE self with facing these experiences? You cant it just wont happen. You will just forever live a lie, hell it can even turn you into a narcissist. So let me tell you exactly what and how shadow work WORKS. Continue reading only if your ready.
The definition of shadow work is simply "an introspective psychological practice". Your pretty much allowing experiences in your conscious to unravel you know the experiences that may cause fear, anxiety, and depression. Your shadow is your dark side. Its behaviors that cause you to shame others, point out flaws in others THAT YOU MIRROR, being self centered, gas-lighting, envy, selfishness, addictions, the list goes on. Its said the shadow is the disowned self. Most people miss the point that you have to take responsibility for where you are in life, besides it is YOUR life. You will never know what parts of yourself you must address if you don't take that responsibility. Its definitely not easy and also has a lot to do with your EGO. Yes your ego will be a bitch. The way our brains are set up if it feels the "fight or flight reaction" your brain will register "Danger" you will be triggered to fight against your ego or run from it. But these pains are necessary when following the spiritual path.
So what's the first step you ask? Approach your shadow (your dark side). When doing this you are fully aware of what path your going down. Its EXTREMELY hard. You WILL feel depressed and/or anxiety. You will continue to in order to reach your higher self. But please PLEASE DO NOT GET DISCOURAGE (NO PAIN NO GAIN). Remind yourself you are a child of God and you are Divine. When we react out of fear we either run from, or destroy relationships that are actually helpful and supportive. Know what's working you up, find the trigger. Ask yourself are acting out of emotion or logic. Is this trigger helping you reach your higher self? These questions will help bring some type of calmness. You must know how to not act out of fear. All your doing is sabotaging yourself this makes manifesting hard.
Your soul will always know what's best so don't fight it. Ever heard of new levels new challenges? As you take the spiritual route you will be faced with challenges to help take you to the next level. People will try avoid challenges, they will just sit in the same place, take shortcuts but that's NEVER going to get you anywhere. With anything your strength will get better and stronger over time the challenges you face. And guess what you will eventually start to feel like THAT BITCH or THAT SUBSTANTIONAL GUY. Knowing your talents can help as well.
Now let me tell you some of things I experienced... I pushed away the ones that loved me. I wasn't able to give my daughter the best version of myself. I completely shut the world out. I felt like I had no purpose in this world. I would always blame the people that hurt me instead of realizing my triggers where just being a mirror. It got to a point I questioned if God even existed and if he did why tf was he allowing what was going on? I was choosing the wrong relationships (intimate and friendly) but stayed content with them. It wasn't till when my mom was on life support when I hit rock bottom. But before that event even took place I chose to tell myself I wanted to change my life around. The person I thought loved me would cause more stress than comfort, My friends were all too busy with their own lives. Not having no one in that corner of mine made more room for my shadow. I constantly asked God why was he taking my mom away from me. "What did I do God to deserve a half dead mother and literally no one there for me" is what I constantly asked. God was showing me that if I really wanted that "change" I had to find out that I had to go down that path alone. I began writing down how I felt because pen and paper was the only thing there for me it was the only thing that literally listened to EVERY word I had to say, every emotion I felt. Meditating then became a friend of mine. I would sit in complete silence but I would pay attention to how I was feeling at that very moment. After taking note of that I would then ask why am I feeling this? What's the message behind it. But it still wasn't enough. I still felt like shit. I was lonely, depressed, and wanted to talk to my mom. I then started to stick posted notes around my desk. Some said things like "What does Khadizah want for herself today, I am light, I am love" not realizing some of these messages were responses from questions I would ask during meditation. I figured out my triggers and why they triggered me. When triggered I knew to stop not blame, not fight or flight but to realize the situation was a reflection of myself. I knew how to channel it and I knew I was in control. Remember when I said earlier the ego is a bitch. I found that out. I had to learn how to shut her out and let her know IM IN CONTROL YOU SIT TF BACK. My relationship with God grew stronger I learned our love language and how to serve. God told me he put me through what he put me through because I'm here to help heal and I'm a "Chosen one". This isn't even half of my
experiences but its definitely an important one. And yes today my mom is still here and she's nice and healthy. I still don't believe I fully reached my potential but I'm now able to look back and actually see the changes and improvements. I thank God and my close friends, and supporters for everything. DO THE WORK! YOU GOT THIS!!!